Biggie Smalls

Gotcha! You thought this post was about the rapper. Well, you're wrong, folks, but it's all good bay bay baby. Just a friendly reminder that small things are BIG things in disguise. Don't take for granted small gestures because they can be hard to come by, especially in our selfish society. Spread good vibes through expression, even small ones.

Big love,

Nyasia 💗

Hold On

Hello, all! I know that this is an alarming time for everyone. For most people, this pandemic is not only frightening health wise, but also financially. It's tough and that’s an understatement. I always stress kindness and this time is no different. We must take care of each other, even if it’s something as simple as a making a phone call and sending a text or e-mail to see how family and peers are doing. Smile at strangers and wish them well. If you have spare essentials, share them with those who are running on empty. I send my extra love, well wishes, and condolences to everyone, especially to those who are struggling economically, those who are ill, and those who have lost a loved one from the coronavirus. I know that words may not be very useful in times of crisis, but I hope these are, even if it’s just a little.

Love,

Nyasia  💛💗💖💚💙

Yours Truly

I’ve always wanted to be perfect. I’ve never wanted to make mistakes. I’ve been chasing perfection for a painfully long time, and I still haven't caught up. Perfection is always several steps ahead of me. My legs have grown exhausted from running. There are roadblocks at each turn. It’s a marathon that I inevitably fail to win. Why do I keep pursuing it? Is it simply because I’m foolish or is it because I’m deeply insecure? It’s both.

If I’m perfect, everyone will love, respect, and appreciate me, right? I'll be free from judgment. No one will hurt me. Everyone I care about will never abandon me. I'll be successful in every endeavor. I won’t experience disappointment because I’ll be worthy of everything good. Isn’t that what most of us want? Fantasy is always better than reality, even if it rarely makes sense.  

The actuality of life is that I’ll never be perfect, and neither will you. Perfection is unattainable because it doesn’t exist, and it’s for good reason. If we're perfect, there is no room for growth. Growth is one of the most challenging aspects of life, but also one of the most rewarding, so I’ve decided to forgo my desire to be perfect and just be my beautifully flawed self.  

Hail to the Afro!

I love afros. I've loved them for a long time, and after I cut off my locs over a year ago, I was both excited and terrified of wearing one. Why? Because I didn't believe that it would suit me, though I've always wanted one. I'm happy to report that since sporting my curly 'fro since November 2018, I've grown comfortable in it. I've made it my own AND my hair is thriving. If you pour love into things, they will grow in unimaginable ways. All this to say that I've compiled a list of my favorite afros donned by several badass queens!


1. Pam Grier

2. Marsha Hunt

3. Angela Davis

4. Tiffany Boone

5. Diana Ross

6. Solange Knowles

There you have it, folks! Some of my favorite, gorgeous afros.

Honorable (Male) Mentions: Jimi Hendrix & Lenny Kravitz

Shame

Shame. A five-letter-word that carries a mountain of pain and insecurities on its back. We feel shame in our guts as it rises to the surface. We wear it on our face, in our thoughts, and on our sleeves. Shame is silent, but deadly. It eats at our flesh right down to the bone. No matter how fast we run from it, it always seems to catch up to us. Horrifying, isn’t it? Of course, it is.

I’ve spent most of my life feeling shame. I’m overcome with shame about my mistakes, my appearance, my incompetence, and my angst. Shame not only makes me feel inadequate and worthless, but it also makes me feel like a bad person. Maybe I am. Maybe we all are, even if it's just a little. I often ask myself, “Why the hell did I do that?” or “Why am I like this?” My eyes fill with tears just thinking about how ashamed I am of my shortcomings, but shame doesn’t do any good. Is it bad to feel guilty? No, not in my opinion. Guilt keeps us from making the same mistakes twice. At least that’s what I hope. Shame, on the other hand, rips us to shreds.

I’ve let shame hold me back and that’s not an easy thing to admit, especially to a bunch of strangers on the Internet. I’ve spent countless days and nights weeping over my shame, and it didn’t make me feel better. Instead, it pushed me further into the darkness of mortification making it more crippling. I've spent too much time living in the shadow of shame and it's exhausting.With that, I ask that you don’t allow shame to control every aspect of your life. It’s time to move on.

Valentine's Day PSA

Many people agree that Valentine’s Day comes with a lot of pressure to give extravagant gifts and plan the most romantic evening. There’s also the added pressure of finding someone to be your Valentine before the day of love comes knocking on the door. T’was a time in my life that I would agree, but in recent years, my perception of Valentine’s Day has drastically changed. It’s a holiday that doesn’t require grand gestures of love, but rather unpretentious displays of fondness and gratitude. Your Valentine(s) can be loved ones, friends, that kind stranger you see each day, co-workers, and/or yourself. It’s not just a holiday for lovers. I love sending Valentine’s cards to my close relatives, and I absolutely love receiving cards, too. The small things are just big things in disguise, which is what makes them so special. Don’t lose sight of that, folks. I hope each of you accepts love and compassion and aren’t afraid to give it in return.  

Love,

Nyasia

P.S. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Build your community up. Don't tear it down.

Hello! It's me again. I hope everyone is having a great start to the new year. Last Saturday, I attended a women's brunch with my mother. It was hosted by my mother's former co-worker. The woman in question is a lovely young mother of two children. She opened up about a difficult time in her life that she overcame. She described how her mother and the other strong women in her life helped her to get through it without putting her down in the process. The brunch was about community and the importance of giving women a safe place to share their struggles, accomplishments, and wisdom. Each speaker discussed and described ways in which we can positively contribute to our community. I stress the word "positively" because you can also negatively contribute to your community. I encourage people to put their best foot forward when it comes to making an impact. It's okay to stumble and make mistakes along the way, but always maintain a positive mindset, even in times of despair. I know that I should contribute more to my community, so I'm starting with the online community. If you don't have a safe place to turn to in times of need or you just want to unburden yourself, you can send me a direct message via my Twitter at https://twitter.com/nyasiakelli. Your messages will remain CONFIDENTIAL. If I don't get back to you right away, I can assure you that I will answer your message as soon as I can. There is a lot of negative discourse on social media and to change it we must pour good energy into these channels. Someone on Twitter claimed that social media should be about developing friendships, and he is right. It starts with you and me. I wish everyone a constructive and enduring new year!

Happy 2020! Happy new decade!

Wow! The decade is coming to a close. The 2010s were interesting to say the least. Personally, I learned a lot about myself this decade, which brings me to the topic of growth. Every trip around the sun is a chance to grow emotionally, mentally, and physically. Growth is terrifying! It means abandoning all of your bad habits to make room for better ones. It means unpacking the past and leaving it at the door. It means looking AT your mistakes instead of looking PAST them. It means being uncomfortable with settling. It means holding yourself accountable while not punishing yourself for your mistakes and shortcomings. Growth means change. Change means confronting the idea of treading new and unknown territory. It takes a wealth of courage. Don't let anyone tell you different because they're lying. That being said, I hope the new decade is good to you. I hope there is a lot of love and compassion from family, friends, lovers, and strangers. I hope that you rise to meet each day with fire in your belly, love in your heart, and unshakable faith. I hope you develop an environment for love and healing for yourself and others. I hope you cry a lot and laugh a lot, too. I hope you become a better listener. I hope you learn to put your judgments aside and make room for understanding. I hope you learn to forgive yourself and others with or without an apology. I hope you open yourself to learning a plethora of new things. Most importantly, I hope you never stop growing. I wish you a happy 2020 and a happy new decade!

Tis the season

For many, the holidays are a somber time due to various circumstances. Some people are experiencing their first holiday without a loved one. Others have strained relationships with their families. There are those that are experiencing the holiday season with a chronic or terminal illness. Some are suffering from loneliness and depression. Spread love, understanding, & acceptance EVERY holiday season and reach out to those who could use healing. Be kind and compassionate to each other. 

Love,

Nyasia ❤

Do You Ever Wonder Why We're All Different?

The world is a unique and diverse place. Wouldn’t you agree? Why is that? Why are we all different, yet still the same? These questions are fair to ponder. I watched Randa Haines’ 1986 film, Children of a Lesser God, starring William Hurt and Marlee Matlin. It’s a beautiful movie. The film is about an instructor, played by William Hurt, who begins a new teaching at a school for the deaf. He meets a young deaf woman, played by Marlee Matlin, who works at the school as a custodian, and they pursue a romantic relationship. She is intelligent and beautiful, but withdrawn and angry. It was a pleasure to watch the actors communicate in American Sign Language. It’s such a gorgeous language. The flick inspired me to look deep within myself and contemplate why we’re all built differently. I feel confident that I discovered the answer.

We’re meant to be different because it teaches us the various ways in which one can maneuver through the world. There are people who can’t hear or are hard of hearing, and the way they navigate society contrasts greatly to the way that hearing people live. The same goes for people who are blind, mentally and physically handicapped, come from disparate racial and cultural backgrounds, and/or identify with a sexual orientation other than heterosexual. There’s no default lifestyle. There isn’t necessarily a right or wrong way to live. Of course, in terms of ethics and morals right and wrong exist, but different does not automatically mean bad.

What makes us the same despite our differences? Well, that is straight forward. We all possess a desire to love and be loved. We all feel pain, experience grief, suffer loss, endure trauma, have insecurities, and feel sadness and joy, even if both emotions are fleeting. The list can go on and on, but the point is that if we don’t try to embrace one another’s differences, then we will never understand what it means to be empathetic, and we’ll never know what it’s like to live a full life. I’ll let you ruminate on that.  

What it means to be a woman

It means having your body policed. It means obsessing over your appearance because that is how you are unjustly and unrealistically judged. It means facing age discrimination because society believes that women just grow old while men get better with age. It means being called a "spinster" or "crazy cat lady" when you're an unwed and child-free woman of a certain age. It means fearing for your life when you’re walking home alone, especially at night. It means dreading the reactions you’ll receive when rejecting society’s idea of the “traditional family.” It means facing criticism when sharing your desire to opt out of marriage and/or having children. It sometimes means feeling guilty about wanting to focus on your profession or juggle motherhood and a career. It means constantly being under society’s microscope. It means experiencing shame when you display emotions. It means getting slut shamed for embracing your sexuality and having amazing, consensual sex with whomever you want. For women in Saudi Arabia, it means facing punishment for speaking to male strangers or needing permission from a male guardian to leave an abusive relationship. For women in countries such as Africa, the Middle East, and Asia, it means having your human rights violated through the process of female genital mutilation. It means being at a higher risk of becoming a victim of domestic abuse and fearing that no one will believe your trauma. It also means possessing incredible strength in the face of adversity. It means having the power to influence a generation of women and girls to love and uplift one another. It means educating the masses on the beauty and plight of womanhood. It means accepting women of all backgrounds and lifestyles into your home and heart. It means dressing down or dressing up. It means wearing makeup to enhance your allure, going au naturel, or switching it up. It means decorating your nails. It means changing your hair. It means nurturing people and things. It means using your voice as a vehicle for change. It means having range. Not all women can be who they wish to be, but they should. This poses a threat to women worldwide, INCLUDING LGBTQ women. Love and respect women and not just women you're attracted to. 

Here are a few links about FGM, violence against women, violence against trans people, and the treatment of women in Saudi Arabia:

 https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/female-genital-mutilation

https://www.unwomen.org/en/what-we-do/ending-violence-against-women/facts-and-figures

https://www.hrc.org/resources/violence-against-the-transgender-community-in-2019

https://www.theweek.co.uk/60339/things-women-cant-do-in-saudi-arabia