Shame

Shame. A five-letter-word that carries a mountain of pain and insecurities on its back. We feel shame in our guts as it rises to the surface. We wear it on our face, in our thoughts, and on our sleeves. Shame is silent, but deadly. It eats at our flesh right down to the bone. No matter how fast we run from it, it always seems to catch up to us. Horrifying, isn’t it? Of course, it is.

I’ve spent most of my life feeling shame. I’m overcome with shame about my mistakes, my appearance, my incompetence, and my angst. Shame not only makes me feel inadequate and worthless, but it also makes me feel like a bad person. Maybe I am. Maybe we all are, even if it's just a little. I often ask myself, “Why the hell did I do that?” or “Why am I like this?” My eyes fill with tears just thinking about how ashamed I am of my shortcomings, but shame doesn’t do any good. Is it bad to feel guilty? No, not in my opinion. Guilt keeps us from making the same mistakes twice. At least that’s what I hope. Shame, on the other hand, rips us to shreds.

I’ve let shame hold me back and that’s not an easy thing to admit, especially to a bunch of strangers on the Internet. I’ve spent countless days and nights weeping over my shame, and it didn’t make me feel better. Instead, it pushed me further into the darkness of mortification making it more crippling. I've spent too much time living in the shadow of shame and it's exhausting.With that, I ask that you don’t allow shame to control every aspect of your life. It’s time to move on.